


Glory

by razielim



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anal Sex, Anonymous Sex, Depression, Embarrassment, First Time, Glory Hole, Humiliation, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Pining, Premature Ejaculation, Sex Work, Situational Humiliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-09-12 19:47:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9087616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/razielim/pseuds/razielim
Summary: Shiro tries to find ways of coping with his growing depression and plummeting levels of self-worth that are made all the worse by his sexual and romantic inexperience. He finds himself self-medicating in a certain… establishment.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> We're just pretending STDs aren't a thing in this AU since this was based on a porno where everyone was barebacking.

He should probably take a deep breath.

He should probably take twenty of them.

And yet, Shiro’s ribcage remained locked in place, trapping the air in his windpipe, only letting him breathe in staccato. His body seemed to move as if through gelatin, unwilling and unhappy with his chosen destination.

He gave a brisk half-smile and nod to a guy walking past. The man seemed mellow as hell, his greeting smile easy and long. Shiro thought he heard, “Yeah, you look like you need it,” drift to his ears.

He didn’t _need_ it.

He just…

The bell rang as he walked in, and he quickly shut the door behind himself, not wanting to be caught in limbo between the two worlds. He was either out there, where sex happened the natural way, or he was in here, where natural things happened without any natural progression.

The balding receptionist ducked down to study him through the small window. The man looked like a comically stereotypical accountant. Shiro could actually visualize a little green visor on his head.

“Hello, Son.”

“Hi.”

“Come on, then. I don’t bite. One go?”

Shiro lurched from his position, so off-balance, you’d think someone had glued his shoes to the floor and he had to rip them up and off to move.

“Yeah. Yeah, just one.”

The stout little accountant pointed to the pricing next to the window.

“Oh! Yeah, ok.”

Shiro pulled out his wallet- his credit card- and handed it to the man, who simply eyed it. He gave Shiro a long, critical look.

“You sure you don’t want to be paying in cash? There’s records of what you use that card for.”

Shiro jerked his card back, holding it to his chest as if to protect it. Wait a minute- _oh god_ , how had he not considered that?

“I-is this illegal?”

The little man sighed, obviously already bored of this conversation.

“It’s not illegal, Son, but what are you gonna tell the missus when the bill comes?”

“I- I don’t have a missus. You’re saying the only reason I should pay with cash is in case anyone sees my statement? Can I do it if that’s not a problem?”

The man shrugged and reached a hand out, clapping the fingers against his palm impatiently.

“Lucky you. Most guys here wouldn’t dare.”

The bell rang behind him, and Shiro jumped. He suspected he shouldn’t, that it was probably impolite in a place like this, but he looked back at the new arrival.

He was a sharply dressed businessman, who didn’t seem at all bothered about being there. Instead, he cast a cool gaze around the foyer, as if looking to see if anything had changed since his last visit. Shiro looked away before the man could catch him staring.

He wished the authorization would hurry up. The new man felt less like a fellow customer and more like a witness to Shiro’s sin.

“Here you go. Just sign here, Son.”

Shiro’s hand trembled as he took the pen. He didn’t recognize his own signature. Familiar curves, but totally wrong. The man snatched up both the pen and the house copy from him, thrusting out the receipt.

“It’s just on your left, through the door. My name’s Todd, Son, if you need anything. Though I think you’ll find most of what you need back there. Now, go on.”

Shiro stuffed the receipt in his pocket and marched to the left on leaden legs. He turned a corner and pulled the door open.

It smelled.

He probably should have guessed that on his own. Who knew how many men went through here every day? Shiro had to take a moment to let it go. Yes, it smelled. And after he was done today, it would smell just a little bit more.

He walked forward a bit, just so he wouldn’t be in the way in case anyone needed the door.

He looked around at the walls.

This place was a lot classier-looking than he’d imagined. Honestly, it looked more like a hunting lodge than a den of vice. The walls were made of paneled wood rather than cheap plaster.

He didn’t know where to start absorbing the view. He didn’t know what he was and wasn’t allowed to stare at. He didn’t know what he was allowed to approach.

On the closest wall, a man was fingering a shapely ass that was widely spread at eye level, accompanying ankles cuffed to the wall above. Whoever owned that ass, whoever was behind the wall, moaned loudly. Shiro jumped away a bit, startled. The moan didn’t sound pornographic or forced. He wondered if the people working here actually enjoyed their jobs, or if they were merely doing it for the money. Most likely, the truth lay somewhere in between, with a wide range of reasons to work here.

The door behind him opened, and the man in the suit walked past without any hesitation. Mr. Suit looked around as he walked, spotted what he wanted, and made his way over to a nice ass that was bent over on the far wall, upper body disappearing into the hole in the wall, and sneaker-clad feet shifting across the floor to find a more comfortable position. As soon as the businessman smacked that butt, the shuffling stopped, and the employee held still so the patron could do his business.

Shiro walked forward.

He checked out the kind of people that were here, averting his gaze from the actual sex acts they were engaged in. Mostly older men. Some blue collar. Some white collar. Most men dressed in the clothes they worked in. Not surprising since it was just after 5pm. He saw wedding rings on most left hands.

He definitely didn’t fit in with the target demographic. Unmarried, too young, too casually dressed, too tall. Honestly, probably a little too good-looking as well, aside from a couple of men, one of whom was the man in the suit that had come in after him.

Shiro saw three open spaces. Two of them were men who had their asses out and their feet up in the air. The other was a glory hole, though a lot larger, presumably so the worker on the other side could get a bit more creative...

Shiro made his way to the glory hole.

Did it seem more nerve-wracking to have his dick disappear completely from sight? Yeah. Was he ready to embarrass himself by trying and failing to do the whole anal thing? Nope.

He unzipped his pants, glancing at the men standing on either side of him. One ignored him. The second, a guy in paint-splattered coveralls, met his gaze and grinned, nodding in greeting.

Shiro managed a half-smile as he wrestled with his belt.

He stared dead ahead at the wall as he tried to keep his breathing even. Oh, _now_ his ribcage decided it wanted to start working. Not earlier, when he thought he was going to faint from oxygen deprivation. He closed his mouth and stubbornly heaved air through his nostrils, refusing to hyperventilate.

He finally got his dick out. It wasn’t hard.

He awkwardly tugged at it a few times, but it didn’t respond.

 _Fuck_.

He looked around again.

No one was paying attention.

Panicking, Shiro shuffled forward, and pressed his front to the hole.

He waited.

Suddenly stressed out and emotional, he dropped his forehead against the wall. He heard a small murmur below him. Then a teasing voice.

“That’s a really pretty cock. I wonder why it’s so sad. Maybe I can cheer it up a bit.”

A hand, the back of someone’s fingers, gently brushed down his length.

Shiro bit his lip, trying to imagine that the man touching him was completely gorgeous. Nothing. The man leaned in and kissed the soft skin over Shiro’s hip flexor. Nothing. A nose playfully nudged his junk, nuzzling into his pubic hair lovingly. Shiro was going to cry. He didn’t duck out of work early, come all this way, and pay all that money just to not be able to get it up.

“What a pretty mole- just _here_.”

A fingertip pressed against the large mole Shiro had had on his groin for as long as he could remember.

“It’s almost like a beauty mark for your dick.”

Shiro flushed.

He hadn’t heard any of the other workers talking and wondered if his was trying to put Shiro at ease so he wouldn’t have to work longer than necessary.

Shiro imagined that the man on the other side was his boyfriend. One that loved him so much that he was trying to map out and memorize all the moles on Shiro’s body. That did the trick. His dick made an interested twitch.

“Oh, you liked that, Mr. Beauty Mark? God, that’s such a pretty cock. I bet you’re good-looking all over.”

Shiro's flush deepened. Yeah, he didn’t mind his worker talking.

A soft mouth kissed the tip of his cock and Shiro sighed, banging his head on the wall. He stared down at what he could see of his own torso, dazed, as the man kissed his cock all over. He felt his dick swell and get heavier.

A hand wrapped around him and stroked him, slowly encouraging him to full hardness. Hot breath ghosted across his head, the man’s mouth obviously only just out of reach. Shiro bit back a moan, still fantasizing.

God, he loved this man. The twinkle in his eyes when he laughed. The way he looked so cute when slurping up spaghetti. The serious lines of his face when he was focused on driving. He loved everything.

A hot mouth suddenly fully enveloped him, sucking and slurping and running the very tip of the tongue over Shiro’s slit and frenum.

Oh, god.

Shiro bucked. All of his willpower went into trying to slam his hips through the wall so he could get more of that tight, wet heat. The mouth obliged. A hand gripped him tight to hold him still for a moment and then slick lips sank onto him further, further- a tight squeeze as the man swallowed, and suddenly, Shiro was coming, just barely keeping himself from crying out too loudly as he braced his hands above his head and thrust into that mouth like his life would literally end if he slowed down.

He blinked.

Oh, _god_. He’d come way too fast. He didn’t know what was normal for holding out at a glory hole, but considering both men standing to either side had been there since before he got here and didn’t look in a rush to leave, he stuck out from the average.

The man on the other side of the wall finished licking him clean.

“First time, huh? Just at a place like this, or in general?”

Shiro groaned, wishing the guy would shut up now. If his legs didn’t feel so wobbly, he’d be halfway across the parking lot by now, retreating in shame.

“It’s ok, baby. There’s no shame in being a virgin. We’ll take care of you any time you need us either way.”

Shiro didn’t need to be comforted by a complete stranger on the subject. He wondered if the man had a boyfriend. Did he really think it was okay to be a virgin who couldn’t land anything other than a sex worker? Or was he grinning ear to ear on the other side, holding back laughter?

His underwear was put back into place for him. Shiro was about to pull away, fairly certain that this wasn’t standard procedure, but the man got a firm grip on his jeans and held him in place as he wrestled them up, redoing the fly and the belt.

“There you go, Beauty Mark. Come back and see me again, ok?”

Shiro stumbled away from the wall, trying to inconspicuously look down into the hole, but the man had already moved to the side and all he saw was padding and clothes. He turned around and rushed out.

✘✘✘✘✘✘✘

Shiro sat in his car, tapping the steering wheel with his thumbs. He glared at the door to Glory. He’d been here just this Tuesday, and here he was again on Friday.

He needed to get a boyfriend.

But it wasn’t like boyfriends just grew on trees. And he couldn’t… as shameful as it was going to Glory, he just couldn’t imagine hooking up with a stranger. Looking into his eyes, kissing him, holding him, and then… never seeing him again. Going to a gay bar wouldn’t yield anything more than that. Plus, the one and only time he had gone to such a place, he’d been almost overwhelmed by the hairy, overweight creeps that kept talking about his tight ass and how they wanted to destroy it. He’d ended up joining a bachelorette party until the end of the night. The drunk women had immediately latched onto him as their new “gay best friend” and not a single bear dared come up to him for the rest of the night, all of them unwilling to risk being eaten alive by horny and completely inappropriate straight women.

No one ever mentioned that the hardest part about being gay was the loneliness.

Okay, so maybe Shiro had been lonely before he’d come out too. Women would hit on him but never actually stick around, and Shiro had never been good at being forward. He didn’t think he deserved the company since he wasn’t even straight, and he’d be lying to them.

Everyone had said that coming out would make at least that part easier.

_“When you’re honest with yourself, you’re more confident, and people feel that. They’re drawn to it.”_

His friend Hunk had said that. Coran had echoed a similar sentiment. So had his sister, Katie. Basically everyone in the world had agreed that honesty was the best policy, so Shiro had come out. No one had been surprised. Not his friends. Not his coworkers.

But the confidence that everyone had promised? That never showed.

He wished he could just come up to the cute Starbucks barista on Woodmont Ave and say, _“Hey, I want to take you out sometime.”_ Or flirt with his coworker that was always hitting on him at the water cooler. Instead, he just shied away.

Apparently, honestly was not a cure for insecurity.

Because, honest or not, who would want Shiro? He was a homebody; he was boring. He didn’t really like trying new things. He let his friends drag him out now and then to go hiking or paintballing, but it wasn’t really something he enjoyed. He didn’t have a particularly interesting job that people loved hearing about. The only fascinating topic he had to offer others was his prosthetic arm, but there was only so much you could say about it. He’d only just had his first sexual encounter, and it was with a sex worker. What did he have to offer?

Sometimes it felt like Shiro only had two worthwhile qualities to offer the world. One was that he was really good at his job- his team was always super productive and innovative. His little group always got assigned all the fun and challenging projects because the CTO knew they would crush them. And the second thing was that he had a hot and fun sister. It happened too often that people befriended him or flirted with him just to get close to her and then ignored his existence once they had an in with her.

He groaned, dropping his head to the steering wheel. That wasn’t really that good of a quality, was it?

He should see a therapist.

He shouldn’t be here, trying to cure what was probably _depression_ with a warm hole to stick his dick into.

Hadn’t it just made his self-loathing worse the last time he was here? Hadn’t he just wanted to _die_ after it had really sunk in that his first blowjob had been from some nameless, faceless stranger? He’d never be able to look back at it fondly. Never be able to laugh about it while reminiscing.

People liked to do that a lot.

_“Oh, man, so then I accidentally poked her in the eye with it, and she got so mad! I was completely mortified.”_

_“And then I pushed inside him and I guess no one tells you exactly how messy it’s gonna get because I pulled out, and my dick was just completely filthy, and I just started laughing so hard- I don’t even know why- but then he started laughing too-”_

He’d never have a story like that.

_“Oh, my first blow job? Um, I stuck my dick in a hole and someone sucked it. I came too fast. He helped me zip up my pants after, which was nice of him. No, I don’t know who he was. Just some guy. Yeah, he could have been completely ugly. Was he good? I don’t know. Probably?”_

Yeah, he was _never_ going to share that, _ever._ He was pretty sure that if he tried, he’d blush so hard, he’d just melt right through the floor and get fined for property damages.

And yet-

God, he wanted to feel that again. The feeling of another person, a _real_ , _whole person_ touching him, and just for a little while, loving him. Or pretending to love him. That was fine. It was better than nothing.

Chest stinging with emotion and eyes feeling hot, Shiro stepped out of his car, adjusting his shirt and stalking over to the door.

Todd was there again, this time smoking a cigar. It only made the cartoonish accountant picture more complete.

“Oh, Mr. Credit Card is back. You ran out of here so fast last time, I wasn’t sure you’d ever show your face again.”

Shiro flushed with embarrassment, but pulled out his wallet.

“Even the guy servicing you was concerned- came in here, asking after you. ‘Think hunky virgin was alright?’”

Shiro pulled his credit card back right as Todd was about to grab it.

“He called me hunky?”

Todd shrugged and wrestled the card out of Shiro’s grip.

“The boys discern body types rather easily. Comes with experience, I guess. Just one today?”

Shiro stared. The man waited.

“Yeah- yeah, I mean, just one.”

His card was swiped. Todd puffed on his cigar while the machine authorized. Shiro tried to remember to breathe.

“Here you go- that’s yours, son, and I need you to sign this one.”

Shiro signed off and grabbed his receipt, wanting to get away from Todd and his “seen it all” gaze. He ripped the door to the back open, collapsing back against it as it closed, trying to get some oxygen into his bloodstream with deep breaths. Then he pushed off and walked toward the back, where the glory holes were.

His eyes immediately went to the one he’d been standing at last time, but the hole was taken.

Not like he wanted to be serviced by the same guy.

He undid his pants and walked to one of the two free ones, pressing up against it without any hesitation. He wondered whether or not he’d get used to it completely if he did this a few more times. Would he walk in here one day with the same devil-may-care attitude that the rest of the men seemed to carry?

A large hand reached out to stroke him. It was only then that Shiro realized he wasn’t hard. Again. A pair of thin lips kissed the skin above his cock. The man paused when he got to the mole.

“Oh. It’s Mr. Beauty Mark. Hold on.”

The hand disappeared and he could feel the sudden absence of the man. Where did he go? What the hell? Oh, god, had that guy told everyone that he was a desperate virgin that came too fast, and now people were going to try to get out of pleasuring him?

As if he didn’t hate himself enough already. Now even sex workers didn’t want to touch him. He was _paying_ for this, damnit!

Shiro squeezed his eyes shut tight as he felt tears build. A single one escaped his eyelashes and rolled down his face.

He should leave.

He should leave.

He should leave.

There’s no way in hell he could leave so soon. He didn’t want to imagine what people would think. Would it get around to Todd that no one wanted to blow the “hunky” virgin dude, not even for money? Would he share it as a joke with his regulars? Shiro grit his teeth to lock in the sob he felt coming on.

“Hello, Beauty Mark. I was worried you wouldn’t come back.”

Shiro’s eyes flew open. More tears fell. No way. No _way…_

“You really do have such a pretty dick, it’d be a shame if I never got to taste it again.”

Soft fingertips tickled the underside of his dick. Shiro wanted to say something- realized he’d look fucking stupid- _choked_.

“You’re having a bit of trouble getting it up again, aren’t you? There’s nothing to be nervous about. You’ve done it once and it went okay, right? So you’ll be fine.”

Shiro nodded.

“Let’s see if we can’t work on your stamina a bit, huh?”

Shiro nodded again, though the man couldn’t see him.

That mouth, that beautiful mouth belonging to his favorite person in the world, kissed him. Shiro moaned quietly.

The man would definitely have a sparkle in his eye. He’d probably be the mischievous kind of boyfriend that was hard to keep up with. The kind that would say silly things and run away, laughing. Shiro would love giving chase, catching him, holding him in place and kissing him senseless. That’s what his boyfriend wanted, after all. That’s why he was such a tease.

The hand tickling his cock moved to gently glide soft fingertips over his thighs as the other one took its place to stroke Shiro. Slowly but steadily, his cock responded and grew.

“Has anyone ever told you that you are… _impressively_ huge? Like just _mouthwateringly_ shaped with absolutely monstrous proportions. This is the kind of dick people who die and go to heaven get fucked with.”

Shiro’s hips pulled back a bit, embarrassed to hear someone comment on his size. He was under the impression that being this large was rather undesirable, since no one really wanted to deal with the pain and effort involved.

The man on the other side of the wall probably only said it to get Shiro hard faster.

“Hey- sorry, man. I guess that was insensitive if no one’s ever seen your dick before Tuesday. They’re missing out, though. I’m so glad you decided to give this place a try.”

The hand on his dick greedily pulled him back, trying to apologize for scaring him off. Shiro looked around. He really didn’t hear anyone else talking. Not that his guy was being particularly loud, but Shiro seemed to be the only one who was getting the “personal touch” treatment. He wondered if it was because the guy felt bad for him being so nervous or if he was just always so chatty with his johns.

A hard suck on his head had him forgetting to think. He bucked a bit, but the mouth and hand moved off.

“That’s the spirit. You’re here to get a load off, not worry about what people think. Come on.”

He licked at Shiro’s tip.

“Roll your hips for me. Show me exactly how you want to fuck my mouth.”

Shiro blushed, looking around again. He rolled his hips experimentally, lightly hitting the wall with his hipbones.

“Aww! Such a big dick and such a gentle lover. You really would be a great lay. But come on, I want to see how you’d make me your bitch.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Shiro saw the guy standing next to him look over, curiosity finally getting the best of him. Shiro tried to ignore him and rutted harder against the wall, his dick bobbing wildly against empty space. Finally, a hand wrapped around him and held him still.

“Good. _Good_.”

He was rewarded with a sweet kiss, which opened up and turned into a hard suck. Shiro moaned, resuming his bucking, pushing into that hot mouth. The guy was doing his best to keep his mouth open and loose, but it seemed like with the large size, he was having trouble keeping his teeth away. Shiro slowed down, wary of the danger.

The mouth slid off and slurped across the surface of his dick, sucking and kissing all over. Shiro braced his hands against the wall as he grunted and tried to push tighter against the wall, wanting more, more, _more_. The hand around his base quickened the pace of its motions. He thought he felt the man smile against him, whispering praise.

Shiro lost control, bucking hard and wild into the hand and the mouth that teased him.

He stood panting.

“A little better today, I think. With a little more practice, you’ll be a champion.”

Like the other day, hands reached up to rearrange his clothes. Shiro pulled his hips back just an inch from the opening so he could peek at those hands. Fair, with a pretty olive undertone, delicately shaped, yet undeniably masculine. They were the most beautiful hands he’d ever almost-seen. Shiro sighed happily. Maybe the guy really was ridiculously good-looking. Maybe that was more than just a fantasy.

The man patted his clothed cock.

“Come back again soon, Mr. Beauty Mark. A blowjob a day keeps the doctor away.”

Then Shiro felt the air shift as the man moved away and left the hole.

✘✘✘✘✘✘✘

Shiro spent his weekend lying around the house, dazedly picking his sorry ass up now and then to move to a new spot. He daydreamed about the man on the other side of the wall. He angsted over his singleness. He stressed about how worthless he felt. He convinced himself multiple times that he should _really_ see a therapist. He ate too much both days, and he slept way more than was normal. Come Monday, he could barely get out of bed.

Sometimes things crept up on you over time. And sometimes they fell on your head all at once.

He looked up psychologists covered by his insurance during his lunch break. One of them listed dealing with sexuality issues, in addition to mental health. He called that one and left a message.

He got a call back from that office when he was driving home, and he pulled over into a store parking lot to talk to the receptionist.

This was really happening.

He had an appointment next week. Maybe he wasn’t actually depressed. Maybe he could nip it in the bud if he was.

He turned the car around and drove to Glory.

✘✘✘✘✘✘✘

Todd seemed surprised to see him, but he didn’t make any comment this time. He processed Shiro’s transaction and waved him off, completely absorbed in the newspaper article he was reading.

Shiro stood in the back room again. He smelled the air. It was still gross, but today _he_ felt gross. So this was exactly where he was supposed to be.

He made his way to the glory holes in the back.

The one he’d used the first time was open and he made a beeline for it.

His dick was hard this time. Thinking about his mystery man had given him so many boners this weekend. It would be nice to finally get some relief from the man himself. A hand grabbed his base, a mouth sucked his dick. There weren’t any playful comments and the man on the other side didn’t stop to go get the man Shiro wanted.

Maybe this guy hadn’t noticed his mole.

Maybe he didn’t care.

Maybe the guy he wanted had a day off.

The chatty man would have been proud. It took Shiro forever to hit orgasm, no longer in the mood after feeling the foreign mouth, the alien hand. He even managed to last longer than some of the men who had already been there where he’d arrived. He took that as a victory, though his orgasm left him feeling raw and lonely.

He was pathetic.

He pulled up his own underwear and pants this time, and trudged out, feeling more miserable than when he’d arrived. He could already feel the blanket cocoon he’d climb into as soon as he got home. Maybe he should go by a drive-through to get at least something in his stomach before hibernating for the next 14 hours.

✘✘✘✘✘✘✘

“Shiro, if you feel ashamed after, and if your depression suddenly took a deep plunge after your first visit there, maybe it’s good that you haven’t been back.”

“But…” Shiro searched for the words to excuse his behavior. “Endorphins are good, right? Touching people is good?”

“There are more healthy ways to touch people than going into an environment where you feel like you’re doing something shameful.”

“Not- not really. I, like I _know_ that you shouldn’t wait for someone to come along and magically fix you, but I really feel like what I need now is human contact. And I can’t really get that anywhere else. I tried going to massages last month, but that was… it was so _clinical_.”

“And someone servicing you through a hole in a wall felt different? Because it was a sexual environment?”

“No, I mean- the guy last time was clinical and I felt horrible after that. Almost sick to my stomach. But my usual guy, he made things pretty intimate. It felt… nice. Safe. Like, I was kind of upset the first time, but I think I was mostly upset because I couldn’t stay. I had to leave and go back to the real world.”

Dr. Rose took a deep breath. Her wrinkled forehead looked like it was about to furrow to match her mild frown, but that she refrained at the last moment out of a sense of professionalism.

“Shiro, I’m _concerned_. You’ve mentioned this one particular guy earlier. I don’t think that your _fixation_ on him is going to let you heal. I’m sure he’s a very nice man if he goes out of his way to put you at ease, but at the end of the day, that is his _job_. Like most customer service jobs, part of his responsibilities is making sure the clients come back.

“Retail workers do this too- establish a meaningful connection with the people who come to their store so that customers get attached to that worker, and by extension, their employing company. I’m not saying that what you feel for him isn’t _real_ , just that his concern and care for you might not be coming from a 100% genuine motive.

“He saw a client that was nervous and was likely not having a good first experience, and took extra care to put you at ease, so that you’d have a good time and come back.”

✘✘✘✘✘✘✘

Shiro was fresh from the gym.

He sat outside Glory, staring at the front door. He’d done this many times over the last couple weeks, but hadn’t had the courage to go inside after that third experience. He thought that maybe the therapist would help sort things out in his head. Unfortunately, it seemed like she was interested in a completely different organizational system.

She was probably right, though.

Just because it hurt his feelings to believe her logic, didn’t mean that she wasn’t making sense.

And yet…

He watched another happy customer walk out, whistling as he made his way to his car.

“Fuck it.”

He snapped out his seatbelt, and got out.

So what if he was fixating? So what if the guy on the other side of the wall was just doing his job?

He walked into the foyer, fuming and sad and frustrated. Then he saw Todd and deflated, feeling small and inexperienced and childish.

Todd grunted in greeting.

“This time I _really_ thought you weren’t coming back. Your admirer has been asking about you every goddamn day.”

Shiro fumbled his wallet.

“Admirer?”

“Driving me up a wall. Didn’t have the heart to tell him that you were probably done for good. He gets so moody sometimes.”

Shiro reached out his card, still not understanding.

Todd grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the small window.

“Between you and me, Son, your favorite got over that stomach bug he had. He’s back in his regular spot.”

“My favorite?”

“Yeah, don’t go to the glory holes today. Third ass on the right wall, y’hear me? Wait if it’s busy.”

“I don’t understand.”

Todd let him go and swiped his card.

“He asked me to point you in the right direction if you ever came back. I was surprised at how pissed he got when he heard someone else served you last time. The boys all have their favorite clients, but when he thought he was going to lose Mr. Beauty Mark because one of his coworkers fucked up…”

He handed Shiro back his card and two receipts.

“Sign here. Let’s just say I’m glad you’re back, Son. That kid’s a pain when he gets all gloomy.”

Shiro signed and walked toward the door dazed.

“Remember, third ass on the right!”

Shiro walked into the back room. He’d almost missed that smell. Almost.

He looked at the right wall. One… two…

The third ass was stunning.

Two beautiful, muscular legs led down to a round butt. Even obscured as it was by the guy currently fucking that ass, Shiro could see how gorgeous it was. He drifted to the side so he was out of the way and could wait his turn. Shiro wasn’t an expert, but he figured with how hard that guy was slamming it, this round wouldn’t last much longer.

He refocused on the man in the wall. Going by skin tone? That was definitely his guy. He was the only one with his ass protruding out and feet cuffed to the wall above that wasn’t wearing any shoes. Shiro wondered why. The legs were hairy, but the hairs weren’t so dark and thick as to look bushy. The man’s groin and ass however, were completely bare, either waxed or shaved.

God, the guy was giving that ass a serious pounding. He couldn’t imagine how anyone would be willing to take such a brutal fucking unless they were getting paid. Even then, porn stars that got fucked like that on camera, probably only did it… what, one to three times a day? Shiro had no idea how the porn industry worked, but somehow, he seriously doubted that they got brutally railed as nonstop as the guys that worked here. Probably even traditional prostitutes didn’t get fucked as many times in one day.

The guy finally came, bucking erratically a few more times before settling down. He sagged there for a bit, then pulled out and reached over for a wipe, hastily cleaning up the ass he’d been fucking before tossing the wipe and zipping up. He turned to the exit and spotted Shiro.

“You going for that one? He’s my favorite. Was off duty, I think, for a couple weeks, so I’m glad he’s back.”

Shiro nodded and made his way over to stand in front of that hole. It was still leaking come. Either that guy hadn’t done too good of a job cleaning it or this guy’d gotten fucked so many times today that it simply wasn’t going to stop leaking any time soon. Shiro wondered if he still had come oozing out of him at the end of the night, when he went home and watched Netflix.

There was a little plastic tablet to the side, slightly below eye level.

  1. **Lube up**. Don’t damage the goods. Never go in dry. If your lube dispenser is empty or running out, use lube from another station and let the receptionist know on your way out.
  2. **Clean up.** Be courteous and wipe down the goods after you’ve used them. No one wants your spunk and used lube all over their pants.
  3. **Don’t clean inside the goods.** The chemicals that the wet wipes are treated with are not meant to go inside the human rectum. Please respect the health of our employees. A little come leaking out of their holes is normal.
  4. **Remove any piercings that might cause pain.**
  5. **Do not push anything into the goods that isn’t part of your body.** No dildos, vibrators, or other sexual accessories.



Fair enough. Looked like there weren’t any rules about having a cock that was too big. He looked down at the twitching rim. It looked distended, all stretched out of shape, and such a dark red from being used and abused that Shiro worried it might actually be bruised. More come squeezed out and slid down out of sight toward the man’s back.

The man shifted, either to get comfortable or to let Shiro know that he was getting impatient.

Shiro undid his pants, and reached over to the lube dispenser to get some into his palm. Actually, it was a soap dispenser, but it said “LUBE” across it in messy Sharpie letters. He coated himself, careful to get every inch, watching as his dick easily responded to the stimulation.

Again, he hesitated.

The guy before him had been much smaller. And most guys were probably closer to average than not. He looked down at his own dick. Nothing average about that. Not the length, not the girth. Should he really be doing this? He reached out to stroke the soft thighs. The hair was sparser and thinner here than on the lower leg. Still soft, though.

He looked to either side of him. The ass on his left was vacant. The guy fucking the ass on the right was so far gone, Shiro didn’t even exist for him. He leaned forward between the spread legs, talking at where the torso disappeared into the wall.

“I thought maybe I should warn you?”

“...about what?”

“Um… my size? Todd said that I should use this station, but… I mean, I’ve never- I’m not sure if-”

“Wait. Mr. _Beauty Mark?_ ”

Shiro flushed and accidentally squeezed the thighs in his grip. He let go.

“Yeah.”

Silence again.

Then there was light laughter.

“Why didn’t you say so? I’m so glad you’re back. You’re fine, babe. It’s your first time doing anal, right? Don’t worry about me, just do what feels good.”

Ok, now the guy definitely sounded like a retail employee. His therapist was probably right.

“Um, so I won’t hurt you?”

“Just use a lot of lube. I’ve been fucked enough today that I’m ready for anything. Even that monster cock of yours.”

Shiro still hesitated.

This was going to be terrible. He’d actually somewhat hoped that his first time trying out this wall _wouldn’t_ be with his favorite. Because, no matter what, even if the guy was just being nice as part of his job, even if the guy already knew how inexperienced Shiro was, Shiro didn’t want to disappoint him.

The man’s voice called to him again, less chipper and more gentle.

“Beauty Mark, don’t think so hard. One thing at a time, ok? Just push in, and go from there.”

Yeah, he could do that. He lined himself up at the hole, whimpering at the feeling of the man’s soft flesh opening up for him so easily. He pushed in, watching that hole stretch around him. The man arched and wriggled, trying to get comfortable.

Oh, _god_.

The hole closed up again as it got over his head.

Shiro couldn’t breathe.

He pushed in deeper and the rim seemed stretched tight. It felt _too_ tight. It felt too _hot_. The man squirmed and contracted-

Shiro came. His eyes rolled back and his hips snapped out, shoving deeper inside that heat. He heard the man grunt in discomfort- he tried to stop- tried to _pull out_ \- but his hips kept driving forward, shaking.

He finally caught his breath and looked down. He’d managed to pull out, but he’d made a huge mess, maybe because his dick had not been in deep enough. A lot of the come had run out, dripping down the man’s ass, flying back onto Shiro’s own pubic hair.

He reached out for the wet wipe, desperately wiping at that gorgeous ass, like wiping away his come would wipe away the memory and embarrassment of coming too soon. He tossed the wipe and grabbed another, wiping at his groin, cleaning off his dick.

The man’s voice came again, even more gentle than before.

“Hey. Beauty Mark. It’s ok. It’s ok to do that your first time. It’s ok to do that your first _five_ times. Just make sure you come back. Don’t stay away so long. I want to see you grow more confident.”

Shiro paused, unsure how to respond. _Should_ he respond? Was this just further proof that his therapist was right? Was this proof that the guy really cared?

Shiro buttoned up and left without saying a damn thing.

✘✘✘✘✘✘✘

“So I guess… I’m feeling better?” Shiro started, while looking around the room, taking in all the encouraging faces. “At least about going. Because he was there again, and- like, I really fucked up. But- he made me feel better about it? So I left feeling better than when I came in. Like, more confident? But I also had your words ringing in my head, and that made me feel bad. Because I think I just don’t _want_ to be aware of why he’s saying those things. It’s like the important thing is that he’s saying them at all. All the things that I’ve wanted to hear for a long time, and I don’t want to look the gift horse in the mouth.”

“I see,” Dr. Rose said while nodding. “That makes sense, Shiro. I just don’t want you to… become so attached to him and your activity in general that if he… say, _quits his job_ , that you’ll feel like it’s a betrayal. Or that you lost something beautiful. If he makes you feel good in the moment, that’s great. And if you can carry some of that mood with you outside, that’s even better. But you shouldn’t let that become the basis of your recovery.”

Shiro nodded. He’d felt awkward, confessing his self-medication technique in group therapy, but no one had looked horrified or disgusted when he’d brought the topic up. It was good to get it off his chest and have the support of all these strangers that shared their deepest darkest secrets with each other. Maybe he could do this after all.

The group therapy schedule was also more intensive than seeing just his therapist. Instead of seeing her just once a month, he went to a session three times a week. He liked some of the other psychologists in the group program better than his own Dr. Rose that he’d been randomly placed with, too.

Today, though, he was stuck with his own, and felt like he had to prove to her that he wasn’t a crazy person and had other ways of coping.

“I’m also working out a lot more. I kind of stopped for a couple months, but I think I’m back on track.”

One of his groupmates perked up at that.

“You think it’s because you’re going to that place? Maybe you want to impress him?”

Shiro hadn’t thought of that.

The mental health professional in the room didn’t seem like she was going to sit by and condone that line of thinking.

“If impressing potential partners is a motivator, maybe you should put yourself out there. I know you’ve mentioned your shyness before, but maybe the experience and confidence you’re getting in this sex place is actually a tool you can use to move forward with your life. If flirting with people in real life is hard, you could try online dating. Just be open to the possibility.

“I’ve discussed this with you, and,” she gestured around the room, “we should all be aware that we can’t wait for someone to come along and fix us. It’s not possible and not fair to the other person. But the act of searching for someone can be a good enough motivator to get out on the weekend, go to the gym, socialize- all things that lift our moods. There’s also an element of hope involved...”

The rest of the group nodded along as she continued talking, but Shiro slipped off into a daydream of meeting his mystery guy for coffee and going to raid a bookstore together.

✘✘✘✘✘✘✘

He was sitting in a coffee shop.

So maybe he was a little inspired by the daydream he’d had in group therapy yesterday.

Besides, his therapist was right. He should put himself out there more. He only had two more group therapy sessions left, and he might as well test out his ability to go out and do things on his own before he was completely cut loose from the program.

What kind of genius had decided that intensive outpatient should only be six sessions long? Probably the same kind of genius that would recommend he not get too emotionally attached to a hole in the wall.

He looked around over the side of his cup as he took a sip.

There were teenage girls sitting in the corner, animatedly talking about something. They looked so happy, complimenting each other’s shoes and giggling about inside jokes, that Shiro couldn’t help but smile every time he looked over.

There were a pair of older men in the cushiony chairs, reading newspapers.

A couple near the windows seemed to be having an awkward first date. Unfamiliar with the other’s cues, they kept trying to speak at the same time. One of the women seemed to think it was funny, giggling and backing off. The other one seemed to think it was annoying, trying and failing to hide her frustration. Probably not a good match, then.

The barista who had made his drink was cute, and the right age, but judging by the fact that his heavily-tattooed older coworker kept teasing him about his girlfriend, he wasn’t available.

Shiro went back to his book.

His coffee was already lukewarm, he’d been nursing it for so long, but he refused to rush himself. Every moment not spent at home held opportunity.

An hour later, the date had ended with one woman promising to call and the other trying very hard not to tell her date off. The two older gentlemen with the newspapers were replaced by three new gentlemen and one woman, also all armed with newspapers. The girls in the corner had gotten a second round of drinks and were now giggling louder and more frequently than before, enjoying their caffeine and sugar rushes.

His coffee had run out.

He sat there for another minute, contemplating buying another.

No, probably not worth it.

Standing up, he stretched his limbs and threw on his jacket. He tossed his cup as he passed the garbage bin on his way out. Someone was coming up to the door. Shiro pushed it open, walked through, and held it open.

His heart skipped a beat.

The man was incredibly handsome. Around Shiro’s age, he looked like a fashion model, stepping into real life straight off a magazine cover. Chiseled cheekbones, tousled dark hair, and cold eyes. Shiro shivered as he tried to pull the door wider.

He smiled, trying not to look too dorky.

The man barely noticed him.

He nodded in thanks as he walked past Shiro and went in.

Shiro let the door close, and stood for a moment, dazed, disappointed.

Then he turned to his car.

He should go to the gym before returning home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, I did the thing! Thank you all so so much for reading! You're great. :)

Shiro was at Glory once again.

He nodded to Todd as he approached the counter and pulled his card out of his wallet.

“Um…”

“Good grief, Son, you want to ask where to find him again, don’t you?”

Shiro halted, feeling awkward again.

Was that weird? Was he not supposed to do that? Was that tip just a one-time-thing last time? Or was Todd just making fun of him?

“He’s on the left wall today, Son. Second hole. Though you should be able to identify him just by his supposedly _perfect rump_. That’s what most guys do.”

“Oh.”

“You gonna pay?”

“Yeah.”

Todd ran his card, eyeing Shiro curiously.

“Hey, kid.”

Shiro perked up.

“Don’t get too attached, okay? He might be fond of you, but this is a job for him. For all the boys in that room. So find yourself someone else to get attached to. Come here for the ass, not the feelings. Just a little professional advice.”

“Right. No, I… I’m just here until I- um-”

He choked off trying to say that he hoped to get more confidence in bed by coming here. That would be a mistake.

Todd didn't say anything, just gave him his receipt to sign and sent him on his merry way, though Shiro thought he heard him mutter something about “puppy love” as he walked away.

The second ass on the left had his feet on the floor, shifting weight enticingly.

Shiro almost backed right the fuck out of the room when he realized how good it looked.

But it was definitely the one he’d been hoping for, and it was unoccupied.

He gathered up air into his lungs like it was vaporized courage and heavily stepped forward.

The man’s ass- and he really needed to think of a nickname for the guy- was even better looking with those thighs pressed sweetly together. There were sticky trails leading down muscular legs from where come and lube had escaped the wet wipes. The rim was a little puffy and purplish, which Shiro assumed meant that it was either really roughly banged earlier today or that it was still recovering from a really brutal fucking yesterday. He didn’t know how long it took for such a thoroughly used look to either develop or disappear. Maybe this ass just always looked like that after years of sex work.

He wished he did know.

He reached forward and lightly traced the wrinkled skin through leaking fluids, moving his fingertip in gentle circles around and around…

The man shivered.

“I wished I knew what to call you.”

He hadn’t really meant to say that out loud, or say it to the man. He certainly hadn’t expected a reply, but after a few seconds, that sweet voice carried through the wall.

“Well, we can’t all have cute nicknames, Mr. Beauty Mark.”

Shiro gnawed at his lips, his face and neck flaring at how easily he’d been identified.

“Are you feeling better?”

Maybe the group therapy was working. Maybe Shiro was just tired of being so self-conscious. Either way, Shiro decided to take the question as genuine concern.

“Yeah. Sorry I just ran out when you were trying to make me feel better.”

The guy next to him paused in his rutting and looked over, wiping sweat off his blow. Shiro started, realizing how ridiculous it was that he was standing here, having a little heart to heart. He wasn’t just fixated, he was completely hopeless.

Shiro scrambled to undo his zipper.

“That’s fine. I’m just glad you’re back and ready to rock my world again with that huge dick of yours.”

That voice was sincere but the sentiment rang so fake that Shiro shriveled under the gaze of the man watching him. He didn’t want an audience for the reassurance that he both needed and hated to hear. The man turned away once Shiro’s dick was out. Good.

He reached for the lube with one hand and a wipe with the other, feeling rushed and awkward as he wiped excess come away from the abused rim and stroked himself quickly to cover his dick with lubricant.

“You been needing it bad, huh?”

The voice was softer now, like his guy was hesitant about talking. Shiro wondered if he’d picked up on Shiro’s discomfort.

“No, just…”

Shiro stopped. Why was he rushing? Why was he here, today? Why did he still need this? He was no longer a virgin, he didn’t have that excuse anymore. The tip of his dick brushed feather soft past that warm skin and he closed his eyes as he pushed forward for more.

Because it felt good.

Because it was hard to feel good any other way.

Because this wasn’t a random hole in the wall.

This was his boyfriend. He was waiting for Shiro to fuck him because they loved each other. If Shiro delayed, his lover would get impatient and start to press back onto him, grinning playfully over his shoulder, a light tease on his tongue.

Shiro exhaled slowly—muscles he hadn’t realized were tense relaxed. The warm rim kissing his very tip pushed back, slipping onto the head of his cock and Shiro opened his eyes in surprise.

“You’re not going to deny me that wonderful monster, are you, Beauty Mark?”

The guy sounded just like he had in Shiro’s fantasy a moment ago. Playful and sweet and incredible.

Shiro pushed in, sighing and then shaking, eyes rolling back at how wonderful it felt. Teeth clenched, he fought to ignore the tension in his abs and thighs that was begging him to tighten just one bit more to get the release he’d come for.

His forehead hit the wood paneling in front of him and he opened his eyes again, forcing them to focus on the slim waist below, spine curved enticingly, shallow dimples pointing down to where he was joined with this beautiful man.

He wasn’t even moving. It felt incredible to just be here, in the moment, panting softly and blinking lazily.

“Hey.”

Shiro almost missed it, it was so quiet.

“Yeah?”

“You can reach down and touch me, you know. If you want. You don’t have to- most people definitely don’t. But… if you want to, you can.”

Did he want to? Shiro almost choked on the answer his feelings immediately screamed.

He slid a hand under the man’s right hip to get a grip on a plump, leaking cock. He’d barely even looked at it last time, he’d been so focused on what he was about to do. But now he kind of felt bad. Why _not_ touch it? Why not learn to give pleasure?

Now that he thought about it, there was probably a lot he could get away with learning at _Glory_.

“How often do people get you off like this?” he asked before he could stop himself, curiosity winning over his hesitation to draw attention to himself.

The body under him convulsed and Shiro barely fought off an orgasm by pulling most of the way out for a second.

“It’s usually the same people that do it because they want to. So it depends on who comes by which day. Sometimes a few times per shift. Sometimes not at all.”

Shiro couldn’t reply, fighting a losing battle as the hole convulsed more rhythmically, more purposefully around his shallow thrusts.

Then he was coming and he had to clench his teeth not to moan. It was a soft orgasm, good and mind-numbing, but shallow compared to the crushing one he’d had last time. Pulling out after it was over, he leaned a forearm up on the wall, pressing his face into it to recover as he kept stroking the other man’s twitching dick. There was a loud moan, and then that wonderful plush ass was pressing up against his soft dick as come shot and dribbled through his fingers.

Shiro swayed, sleepy and satisfied.

He had to gather up his strength to straighten back up, reaching for the wet wipes to clean up the mess that had been deposited on his jeans by his man’s twitching hole. Then he cleaned up the ass and thighs as instructed, wondering if man was too tired to talk now. He wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or too tired to care either way.

Zipping up, he stepped away, feeling awkward about leaving his guy without saying goodbye.

He’d never left here without hurrying away in embarrassment before.

“Wait!”

He stopped, staring at the wall where the man’s head would be.

“Thank you. It’s nice to be able to come. And good job on lasting longer today. I told you we’d get your stamina up.”

“Um, yeah. Thank you.”

And, suddenly feeling awkward again, Shiro walked quickly towards the exit.

✘✘✘✘✘✘✘

If his guy was willing to give feedback, maybe Shiro could learn to fingerbang like a champ. He wondered if his guy was ever at the eye-level holes so he could try eating him out too. He could probably try eating him out in one of the fucking stations too, but Shiro wasn’t too hot on the idea of slurping up the come of countless strangers, even if it was from the ass of his favorite sex worker.

Shiro groaned and slapped his hand over his face.

He was sitting in his usual café and reminiscing about his trip to Glory earlier. On the one hand, there was a lot of benefit he could extract from that place. On the other, when the hell had he gotten so gross? One request for a reacharound and now he was making plans to become some kind of sex guru by making a hobby out of paying for sex.

A car pulled up to the lot, shining headlights in his face, and Shiro shook his thoughts out and refocused on the novel he was reading. He’d read about a page when he heard the door open and glanced up just in time to see the ridiculously handsome guy from the previous weekend walk in.

No way.

Shiro shook his cup, and found it blessedly empty.

Trying to take it slow, he casually got up, tossed his cup in the trash, and queued up behind the other guy.

Now what?

He very conspicuously tried to not stare at the back of the guy’s head. Was he averting his gaze too much? He glanced at the leather jacket, appreciating the fine lines and good quality. Then the guy moved away and it was Shiro’s turn to order.

He wondered briefly if he should order the same fancy latte as the other guy for a conversation starter, then ordered his regular tea latte. He refused to be so pathetic as to load up on too much caffeine for a meet-cute.

Making his way over to the serving bar, he combed his head for an icebreaker, panic rising with every useless idea. Leather jacket? Handsome looks? Rainy weather?

“I wish I could still drink coffee this late. Only tea for me.” Nailed it.

The handsome stranger looked up from his phone, and then looked up further when he realized how much taller Shiro was. He smiled a bit.

“Yeah, I’m lucky I still have a flexible schedule. I’m enough of an addict that having to replace coffee with tea would break my heart.”

“Oh, yeah? Telecommuting? Or freelance?”

“Freelance. So I’ll be up for quite a while longer and then sleep in as much as I want.”

“Right, right. Living the dream. So long as it pays good too.”

The guy laughed, even more beautiful with his eyes shut in delight.

“Yeah, that’s important. I wouldn’t do my job if I didn’t make bank.”

Shiro laughed too just as their drinks were set out on the counter. The guy made a goodbye gesture and started to walk off with his latte.

“Have a good one.”

“Yeah, you too.”

That wasn’t too bad.

Shiro settled back into his chair and novel with a smile on his face.

He could totally do this whole confidence thing.

✘✘✘✘✘✘✘

“So, Shiro, how are you feeling about this being your last session? Are you happy with your progress, or are you a little scared? Are you anxious to continue your treatment with one on one sessions?”

All eyes were on him as Shiro chuckled lightly.

“You know, to be perfectly honest, I’m not worried at all. Last week, a six-session, two-week program seemed too short, and this week, it’s like… I’m set. I’m not cured, but I’ve figured out what I need to do. I still want to continue coming for monthly one-on-ones for a while, but…”

He took a deep breath and looked around at the room full of severely depressed people that looked genuinely happy for him.

Shiro understood. He also felt most happy when he was hearing someone else’s good news in group therapy.

“I know going to the gym lifts my mood, so I’m going to keep doing that. I know that going to the sex place is giving me confidence, so I think I might do that for a while longer. And, like I was saying earlier, I know that I now have the courage to strike up conversations with good looking guys at coffee shops, so I think I’ll try to do that more often. If I’m lucky, I’ll one day have the courage to ask someone out. If I’m even more lucky, one of them will do all the hard work and ask _me_ out.”

There was a round of subdued chuckling around the table.

His therapist actually looked impressed and that made Shiro’s mood swell further. He hoped that on the inevitable tough days in the future, he’d be able to latch on to how proud and fond of him everyone in this room was today.

✘✘✘✘✘✘✘

Shiro stood in line at the coffee shop. It was stupid and he knew it, but he couldn’t help the hope that he might run into handsome guy again. It wasn’t even the right time to catch him. A balmy Saturday afternoon was in full swing, and the café was likely too crowded for the somewhat quiet man.

Shiro sighed again and shifted to his other foot, annoyed with himself and the long queue.

“It seems that life is just a series of difficult choices,” a smooth and playful voice from behind him commented. “Mobile order burnt coffee at Starbucks or wait forever for the good stuff at this place?”

Shiro snorted and turned to give an appreciative glance to the guy behind him who’d made the comment and got a brief glimpse of a sly smile before he turned back.

“They’re probably avoiding rolling out a mobile app on purpose, lest they slide backwards in quality,” Shiro said, then shared another look with the guy when his comment was met with soft laughter.

Then he did a double take.

The guy behind him was cute.

Not a chiseled-cheekboned super model like his handsome evening guy, but with fine features, sharp and sparkling with amusement as he held Shiro’s gaze.

Wanting an excuse to keep looking for a few more moments, Shiro said the first thing that came to mind. “Is it always this busy in the afternoon? I usually come in the evening.”

“Yeah, basically. And I wish I could drink coffee that late. I’d be up half the night, and I need my beauty sleep.”

“Same boat, actually. If the sun’s down, I just come for tea and atmosphere.”

“Makes sense. I was gonna say, you don’t look like you miss out on _your_ beauty sleep.”

Shiro laughed, turning to step forward as the line shifted, then cut himself off as he realized the full meaning of that sentence. He shifted awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck and not daring to look back immediately.

“So do you people watch or…?”

Shiro cleared his throat and made to look like he was double checking the pastry options.

“Uh… no. I read mostly. I mean, I pay attention to what’s happening in the café too, but I mostly read.”

He finally glanced back again, only to find his gaze held securely once more, eyes interested and smile easy. This man was taller than handsome evening man.

“That’s cool. Atmosphere is important when reading.”

They kept chatting all the way up to the register, so easily that time flew by. Then they picked up where they left off at the counter while waiting for their orders. Shiro almost forgot where he was until the door opening caught his eye and the whole shop fell away for a heartbeat as none other than his Handsome Guy walked in, dressed as well as ever, coolly taking off his sunglasses.

What were the odds?

Now. On a Saturday afternoon. Right when Shiro was here thinking about him.

“So you want to go on a second date?”

Shiro looked back, startled.

“ _Second_ date?”

“Yeah, this was our coffee date, and I was thinking we could go to a restaurant for the next one.”

Handsome Guy looked in his direction, eyes scanning the crowd until they landed on Shiro. Shiro’s breath caught in his chest, dear _God_ , he was devastatingly good-looking…

And then those smoldering eyes sailed past with no hint of recognition or even a smile.

Chest feeling heavy, Shiro turned back to the guy in front of him. Beautiful eyes, voice sweet and heavy like honey, and they’d been laughing nonstop since they’d started talking. The confident smile was now fading at Shiro’s hesitation. Shiro had to laugh a little because of how unreal it seemed.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Oh, thank God. I thought I’d lost you. What’s your number?”

Shiro pulled out his phone, reciting his number as he looked one last time at Handsome Guy, who was now staring in the opposite direction, completely oblivious to Shiro’s yearning.

✘✘✘✘✘✘✘

“He’s been in the back wall again all week. Center one.”

Shiro raised a hand in thanks as he stuffed his receipt into his pocket and walked to the door leading further into the building.

He had a date tonight.

He had a date tonight, and he was completely out of his mind with anxiety. He’d spent the whole weekend freaking out about the fact that someone actually asked him out. Complimented him on his looks and then asked him out. Then he’d spent Monday moping about Handsome Guy not recognizing him when they’d run into each other on Sunday evening too. Or maybe he’d _recognized_ Shiro and just didn’t care.

The center glory hole was taken and Shiro stopped off to the side to wait until it was his turn.

He’d spent the _rest_ of the week freaking out because, _honestly?_ The guy that had asked him out was cuter than Handsome Guy. Funnier and friendlier and actually interested too.

Plus now that he was a little bitter, Handsome Guy’s eyes were too big and it bothered Shiro. And his ass was too flat. And a million other things were wrong that he hadn’t noticed while enamored.

But the more he reviewed his conversation with the pretty guy, the more he remembered how charming and smooth and quick and witty and just _fun_ the guy was.

 _And_ he’d checked out his ass. For the record, it was amazing.

He couldn’t believe he had a date.

Shiro went to pull his phone out of his pocket to double check what the guy’s name was, but got distracted when the guy at the glory hole stepped away, zipping up.

Shiro took a calming deep breath and stepped up, unzipping his pants as he pressed in.

“Oh! Hello, Mr. Beauty Mark? Have you been staying away from me again?”

The voice was teasing but Shiro had a lump in his throat and had trouble replying easily. Why was this so hard? He’d done fine chatting and joking at the café with both of those attractive guys.

Shiro wondered if the man on the other side of this wall would ever stop having such a hold on him.

“I’ve just… had a lot on my mind.”

A warm hand smoothed up his thigh and gripped him lightly, thumb teasing over his foreskin.

“Did you get it all off your mind?”

“No, I just… have even more on my mind today. I needed to come here before my head exploded.”

The man laughed softly, but Shiro felt nauseous after admitting that out loud.

He had a date today for the first time in his life and the likelihood of him missing all the cues and fucking up somehow were astronomical. And it had been gnawing away at him under all the anxiety about which guy was more good-looking. _What if I made the wrong choice saying yes and closed the door to another opportunity?_ And then his thoughts looped around to the soul-crushing realization that he was about to go through the most vulnerable evening of his life.

There were soft, comforting kisses falling on his cock and Shiro pressed harder into the wall, wanting to melt into it and that soft mouth.

“Something wrong at work?”

“No, I… I just have a date tonight and… I want it- I need it to work out. Just. Just because I can’t deal with a rejection right now.”

“Ohhh-” the man broke off on a hum against Shiro’s length. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. A big guy like you just has to remember that any guy would be lucky to sit on your dick.”

Shiro laughed.

He wanted to cry.

The ache in his chest from last Saturday returned. He’d put so many emotion chips onto this guy, but to the guy on the other side of the wall, he was nothing more than Mr. Beauty Mark, a regular with a big mole and a huge dick.

Afraid of going soft, Shiro squeezed his eyes shut and fantasized. The man on the other side of the wall was his sweet boyfriend. Better- he was Shiro’s date, and they were about to have some fun after a perfect date. Eager, playful eyes looked up into his as his date smoothly assured him that he was about to give Shiro the best blow job of his entire goddamn life.

✘✘✘✘✘✘✘

Shiro sat outside the restaurant, tight and tense and hating himself.

He was here way too early.

He gulped and double checked the name on his phone. He checked his hair for the millionth time in the mirror.

The blowjob had helped. Some. For a time. Until it hadn’t.

He was going to fuck up, he knew he was going to fuck up. Better to fuck up with a stranger instead of someone he was fixated on, and yet that didn’t stop the ache in his chest as he thought about going on a date with his sex worker.

Shiro slammed his hand on the dashboard in frustration, trying to break his train of thoughts.

The guy he was going on a date we was really fucking cute, and Shiro needed to Let. It. Go. If he could just get out of his own way for long enough, he might actually really enjoy himself. He forced himself to think about the guy that had been so wonderful as to ask Shiro on this date. That alone should make Shiro eternally grateful. Not only was the guy interested, but he even engaged and _initiated_.

Shiro sat back, mind blown for a second.

He was so grateful.

He thought about how funny the guy had been, with an easy, playful attitude that didn’t make Shiro feel like he was performing on the spot. Or how cute his grin was, just lopsided enough to be fiendish, but on such a slim, refined face as to look captivating. Honestly, maybe this guy could be a model too. For jobs that needed more youthful, less serious faces. Those warm, teasing eyes probably would look great on a summer cologne advert or the like.

Why was he like this?

Why was he setting himself up for failure by building this guy up in his mind? There was no way that the guy was actually perfect and indulging in these poetic imaginings was only going to leave Shiro expecting too much.

Maybe that was his problem.

Maybe that’s why he was always so insecure and depressed.

Maybe he was just always expecting too much.

The clock flipped to 7:50 and Shiro braced himself. Time to go wait inside the restaurant. He stepped out of the car, and then, on impulse, checked his phone again for the guy’s name, afraid for the fiftieth time that hour that he’d get it wrong and kill the date before it started.

 _Keith_.

Shiro took a deep breath and set out towards the restaurant.

✘✘✘✘✘✘✘

The lock finally gave and Shiro and Keith all but fell through, giggling the whole way.

“This is my place,” Shiro said with a swing of his arms, the panic already rising, numbed a little by the curtain of tipsiness.

Keith took it in with bright eyes before grinning back at Shiro. “See, I knew you had good taste.”

They’d bantered the whole taxi ride here about who had better taste and what the best way to decorate an apartment was, and the sudden ceding on Keith’s part had Shiro blushing wildly, unused to such an easy end. He’d been worried that maybe Keith really had been serious and something Shiro would say while debating would offend him.

“But,” Keith continued and was suddenly in Shiro’s space again. “I maintain that I’ve got better taste. I mean, have you _seen_ my date tonight?”

Shiro choked on a reply and melted, all his attention on Keith’s hand running up his neck, through the buzzed hair on the back of his head to grip him tightly and pull him into a kiss. It was a gentle and somewhat chaste kiss and Shiro thought he might have pulled it off.

He could do this. He could do this. He’d already had sex, he could… pick up kissing on the fly, right? Keith was looking into his eyes with curiosity and Shiro realized his panic and intense thinking was showing.

“I… Look, Keith, I’m- I’m not very experienced. I hope that’s not a deal breaker, because I’m not really- I mean, it’s not on purpose. I’d love to do things with you.” Shiro had to break eye contact, running a hand through his forelock and smoothing it back, his chest collapsing at having to admit this. “I know that’s probably not what you were expecting, and-”

A soft kiss pressed to his jaw and he looked back.

The playfulness had been replaced by a soft look.

“That’s fine.” There was a pause and Keith blinked, suddenly straightening up. “And if this is too fast, that’s fine too. I had fun today. A lot of fun, and it’s not like my whole night was hinging on getting laid.”

Shiro breathed out a relieved laugh.

“I’m not saying that, um, we can’t, just that-”

“Oh, good.” Keith’s dark eyes were full of mischief again. “Because I was still low key hoping for getting dick tonight.”

Then he leaned in and bit Shiro’s lower lip, eyes making scalding hot eye contact as he pulled at the lip with his teeth. Shiro’d brain was melting and fast.

There were clever fingers pulling at the hem of his shirt and Shiro took that as invitation to paw under Keith’s shirt, hands running up smooth skin and pushing the fabric of Keith’s shirt higher. He’d missed the moment when Keith had stopped kissing him, his own breathing coming in short pants as he stared into those wild, excited eyes, unable to wrap his mind around someone being so thrilled by him.

Boring, boring Shiro, suddenly a gem in someone’s eyes.

Unbelievable.

Keith broke eye contact to wrestle Shiro’s shirt off, then sent his nails scraping lightly down Shiro’s abs, eyes wandering hungrily. Shiro backed away and sat hard on the couch, needing to get off his feet before he tripped, or worse, fainted. He tugged at Keith’s hand, hoping he would, why wouldn’t he—and Keith slid onto him, easy as that.

Shiro tried not to cry, remembering how he’d been embarrassed when his guy at Glory had complimented him. Why was it so hard to believe he was wanted? What would it take to get used to it?

“Shhh.” Keith kissed his forehead, his cheek. “We can stop.”

“No, it’s- I just…” Shiro swallowed hard and buried his face into Keith’s neck. “I think I could get used to this.”

Keith’s hands clawed at his lower abs, hitching their fingers around the closure of Shiro’s jeans and making quick work of it. “That’s good. Because I’d like a chance to get used to this as well.”

Shiro thought that he should maybe look up. He should kiss Keith. He should-

But he stayed where he was, hot forehead pressed tightly to Keith’s sweat-damp neck, panting and smelling and just trying to stay in one piece as Keith’s hands got a good hold on him and squeezed.

“Please,” he said, barely hearing his own voice through the blood roaring through his ears.

“Sure thing.”

Keith slid his hands over him in firm, shallow strokes, just enough to get Shiro incredibly harder and whining in need. His face turned inward and ducked down to whisper in Shiro’s ear. “If you’d sit back, I’d love to blow you.”

Shiro groaned, his hands only clinging tighter to Keith’s waist before he finally managed sit up a bit straighter and look into those pretty, playful eyes. “Keith, I-”

But Keith only kissed him, and placed both hands on Shiro’s shoulders, pushing him with lips and palms until Shiro was sprawled against the plush back of his couch, his own hand moving to clench tightly around the base of his dick. He wanted Keith’s hands back. _Now_.

Keith pulled up from the kiss and they shared a charged look, Keith’s gaze caring despite all its mischief.

“I’ll take care of you, Shiro. And then I’ll teach you to take care of me. Deal?”

“Deal.”

Keith looked down, and Shiro’s eyes followed until they were both staring at Shiro’s dick, which was giving just the slightest hints of pulsing with Shiro’s heart. Keith slowly pulled Shiro’s hand away from its grip, eyes wandering over the prize. Then Keith tensed, and gasped softly.

He sat up a little straighter in Shiro’s lap, his eyes running wildly up Shiro’s torso, taking it all in until they reached Shiro’s eyes. He leaned in as if for a kiss, then pulled away, eyes dancing with delight, mouth wide with words he couldn’t manage to say.

Shiro was ready to say something, ask what was so exciting, but Keith sat back down hard on Shiro’s thighs, staring at Shiro with wonder.

_“...Mr. Beauty Mark?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more Sheith fic and art, my tumblr is [razielim](https://razielim.tumblr.com/). Thanks again for reading! ❤❤


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